Perfect
by Addicted-To-Sugar-Quills
Summary: Because she's nineteen, pregnant and scared out of her mind. Lily/James.
1. Prologue

A/N – This is because I got bored reading about how perfect Lily and James' life was and how happy they were all of the time. I mean no-one has a life that perfect, least of all two teenagers stuck in the middle of a war. Please read and review :)

Disclaimer – I am not JK Rowling ergo I do not own Harry Potter.

**Perfect**

She isn't the golden girl anymore, she realises as she stands in the bathroom, eyes only for the pale blue cross on the pregnancy test she's holding in her left hand. She's no longer perfect Lily, with her perfect grades, perfect friends, perfect husband, perfect life.

She's just another screw-up, a teenage pregnancy. A little girl playing at mummies and daddies. Sure, she's married; she has James, doesn't she? James with his big dreams and plans for the future. Well, it's hard to have big dreams with a baby creaming in your ear and as for future plans, they didn't plan this, did they?

Tears stream down her face in a steady stream, but she doesn't wipe them away. For the first time she's glad that her parents aren't around. She doesn't want to have to look them in the eye and see the disappointment etched on every line of their faces. She doesn't want to be compared to Petunia (who's the perfect one now?) Pregnant too, yes, but twenty-four, married to a normal man with a huge moustache and a steady job. Not involved in the remnants of a gang, fighting for her life every day. Not killing people, not getting drunk down at the Leaky with her friends or pranking her husband's mates. For the first time Lily finds herself envying Petunia and the casual simplicity of her life.

It's not like Lily chose this, she didn't choose to be a witch, a mudblood married to a blood traitor – the perfect combination of imperfection. They might as well be dancing on the rooftops with targets painted on their foreheads. And when you factor in their friends, another muggleborn, a werewolf and the disgraced black heir who's as high on the hit list of some deatheaters as Albus Dumbledore himself, she realises that this is about as far from okay as you can get.

She chokes out a sob. It's an unbelievable mess and there's nothing – short of an abortion – that she can do about it. Her teachers always told her that she'd go far, do well for herself – frankly this wasn't what she'd had in mind. A cushy job at the ministry maybe, even St Mungo's. of course she could have chosen that if she'd wanted, but being herself, so utterly naïve - thinking that she was invincible, she couldn't go for the easy option. She was always the optimist, fiery wilful and passionate, the girl with the flaming red hair and bright green eyes. Truth is, she's never been more scared in her life.

Out the corner of her eye Lily sees James' silhouette entering the hallway, back from guard duty with Sirius and Hestia. She clutches the pregnancy test in her hand as if it's a ticking time bomb that will go off the moment she lets it go. With her other hand she wipes the last of the stray tears off her face. She's only nineteen and scared out of her mind.


	2. Promise

**Promise**

"Lily?" James shouted from the hallway.

"Coming," she replied, "two seconds." Quickly she slipped the pregnancy test into the deep pocket of her jeans and splashed some cool water on her face. She looked in the mirror; it wasn't too obvious that she's been crying and besides it's wasn't like James' would notice, he'd been on the night shift for a week and she doubts he'll be up for anything other than crashing on the sofa right now.

Silently she moves into the hall. James is leaning against the wall, flanked on either side by Sirius, who wears an ugly look, and a long scratch along the side of his face, and Hestia whose pink tinged eyes suggest that Lily isn't the only one who has been crying.

"Who?" Lily asks in a strangled voice, her green eyes meeting James' hazel.

James sighs, "Edgar Bones," he whispered, shaking his head slightly, "Him and his whole family."

Lily blinked, "All of them?" she asked sadly, wiping a tear from where it had formed in the corner of her eye.

"All of them." Sirius confirmed, "Edgar, his wife… I always forget her name…"

"Mellissa." Hestia injected quietly

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, "Mellissa, Bee – "

Lily put a hand to her mouth; Edgar's eighteen year old daughter Beatrice (or Bee as everyone called her) had been a Hufflepuff two years bellow them at school. After graduating, and much to her father's annoyance, she had joined the order and even accompanied Lily on a few missions.

"By the looks of it they tortured her pretty badly first – We think she must have been trying to let the other get away." Sirius continued brusquely, "Fat lot of good it did them, Kyle got a few metres up the stair and Angie a little bit further, but –," he broke of a disgusted look on his face, "God, I swear they're getting worse. Angie, well, they messed her up pretty badly." Sirius paused, "What kind of sick bastard uses the cutting curse on a nine year old?

Lily felt the bile rise in her throat, was this really the kind of world she wanted to bring a kid into? Would she want her baby to suffer the kind of fate that Edgar's family had? She moved closer towards James who pulled her tight into his chest and gave her a small peck on her cheek. With his free hand he gestured to the living room door and they four teenagers trouped in and sat, crammed together on one of the sofas.

"I've never seen Mad-Eye so upset." James said after a moment, breaking the heavy silence. He addressed Lily, "He arrived just after we did, apparated straight inside and ran upstairs. I thought he'd gone mad, since when does Mad-Eye ever enter a building without giving it the once over?"

"They were his god kids" Lily told him. "He and Edgar were old friends, some of the first members of the order."

"God," Hestia muttered burying her head into Sirius' shoulder, "Oh god… when are they going to stop…? It's so bloody horrible. "

James gave her a wry smile, "You remember last year, at Christmas, when everybody was going on about how the war was going to be over soon, that we'd win. Nobody talks like that anymore…"

Sirius nodded, glancing down at his watch, "we'd better be off." He said, "Coming Hest?"

"Sure." She smiled getting up and hugging Lily, "See you tomorrow?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Lily agreed, "I'll floo you in the morning."

Sirius snaked an arm round Hestia's waist, "We'll pop by Moony's on the way back, tell him… tell him the news." Sirius told James.

A few minutes later Sirius and Hestia sailed off in a cloud of motorbike exhaust and Lily and James picked their way up the stairs to their bedroom. They cuddled down together under the thick duvet, listening to the sounds of the cars going past in the street below their window. "James," Lily said her voice laced with worry, "Promise me that that will never happen to us."

James didn't hesitate, "I promise." He said

**A/N – Hello and thanks for reading! Does anyone think that I should continue this past three chapters or should I just end when she tells James she's pregnant? Review and tell me!**


	3. Reassurance

**Reassurance**

Lily woke up early the next morning and slipped quietly out of bed. James was still sleeping, curled up in a ball on the mattress like a baby. He always looked so much younger when he was asleep, so much less like the James she knew, less sure of himself, less strong.

She dresses quickly, wriggling into an old pair of jeans and pulling on a faded purple hoody over her tee-shirt, before walking down the stairs and scribbling a quick note to tell James where she would be. It was quarter past nine by the time she left the house, almost slipping on the thin coating of ice that covered the top step. She looked carefully down both sides of the street, checking for any muggles and seeing that there were none, disapparated.

She let herself into the tiny north London flat with the tiny key that was, as always, resting on top of the door frame in an undeniable gesture of recklessness and arrogance. In other words Sirius and Hestia through and through. She made her way along the dusty hallway, "Hest?" She called, "Hest are you in here?"

"Ummph," Came the response, "Lily? What are you doing here? It's half past bloody seven!"

"I know… it's just…" Lily was close to tears, "I… I could really use a friend right now."

"Sirius!" Hestia yelled, "Go for a walk."

"Why?" he asked indignantly, sticking his head round the bedroom door, "Oh." He said catching sight of Lily, "That explains it then, Lily's here so I'm sent out to die on the streets like some stray dog." He held his hand to his heart, "How will I go on?"

Hestia smirked, "First of all, that's no way to greet guests and second, _you _are a dog.

He pouted.

"A very cute dog." She amended.

"Fine, fine." He muttered, "If you insist. I'll go wake James up." He caught Lily's warning glare. "Or not… Maybe I'll just go buy some coffee, coffee's good right? We need some coffee." And with that he ran out the door still wearing his pyjamas and slippers.

Hestia rounded on Lily, "Right." She said, "Explain, what's wrong? Aside from the fact that you woke me up at this god-awful hour and scared my boyfriend out of my house of course."

"I…" Lily looked blankly up at her, now that she was here it all felt so stupid. What was she supposed to say? How do you tell your best friend you're pregnant? In the muggle movies she watched with her mum in the holidays the girls had been woman – older, sophisticated- and the best friends had been joylessly happy for them, giving great advice and hand-me-down clothes from their own children. "I… I don't know…I…Oh fuck this, I'm pregnant."

Hestia stared at her like she was an alien, "Really?" she gasped.

"Really." Lily confirmed with a small nod of her head, suddenly feeling much lighter.

"But that's," Hestia began, "That's great news Lily."

What?

"I mean your completely screwed of course," Her best friend continued conversationally, "A mini-marauder- Wait. It is James' right?"

Lily swatted at her, "of course its bloody well James'.

"Just checking." Hestia defended, "He's going to be ecstatic!"

Lily felt herself tearing up for the second time that morning.

Hestia looked at her appraisingly, "You're really worried about this, aren't you Lils?" she sighed, reaching out and pulling her best friend into a hug, "I guess I can see where you're coming from," She continued, "But Lily, you're the kindest, most loving person I've ever met and you've got James who I can promise you is going to love this kid so, so much. You're going to be fine, actually, you're going to be more than fine, you're going to be great."

Lily gave her a small smile, wiping the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand, "You're a pretty fantastic friend, you know." She said

"I try." Hestia smirked, "Now get out of here and spread the news."

Five minutes later and Lily bangs open the door of her house and practically runs into the kitchen. James is sitting at the table, a spoon loaded with crispy quaffles cereal travelling towards his mouth and an open newspaper across his lap. "You're back." He shoots her one of those oh-so charming smiles that could get him out of pretty much anything back at Hogwarts.

"Yeah," she smiles back uneasily, "About that. There's something I need to tell you."

James smirks, looking infuriatingly at ease with the whole situation. Admittedly he's not actually aware there is a situation, but that's beside the point, "You're not running away with Sirius are you?" he asks grinning.

"Yep," She replies easily slipping into their familiar routine of teasing, "We're moving to Tibet a week on Thursday."

"Right," James chuckles quietly, "So what was it you really wanted to tell me."

Lily squared her shoulders, "I'mpregnantyourgoingtobeadad." Shit. She hadn't meant for it to all slip out like that. Luckily, however, James didn't appear to have understood a word of what she had just said.

"Sorry Lils," He said looking a tiny bit baffled, "Could you repeat that?"

"Sure" She said, taking a deep, steadying breath, "James, you're going to be a dad."

Hours later she's lying in bed with James and there discussing baby names, (she refuses to even entertain the idea of James Jr, Sirius or any of James' ridiculous suggestions while he's being equally snobbish about her ideas). One of his hands is propping up his head as he looks down at her curled up next to him and his other hand on her stomach, stroking the place where their baby is sleeping.

And in that one moment it doesn't matter that her life's a mess or that she's fighting a war or that she's only nineteen and scared out of her mind, because this is their baby and nothing, no-one, not even Voldemort himself, can take that away from them.

**Okay. That's it folks. I can only apologise for the ridiculous amount of time it took to put up, but that's all in the past now. I can confirm that this is the last chapter, but that there will be a companion fic/sequel about the day baby Harry is born posted sometime next week. I'll post here when it is.**


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